Hi Clara!

First off let me say I too have been at the point where I laid in bed and waited for death. In fact I laid on the floor holding sleeping pills wonder what it would be like to end it because god I just wanted to get off this crazy carousel we call life so believe me I have been there.

Perhaps I haven't been able to word what I was trying to say well enough. I know that gathering the desire to do anything when you're severely depressed is literally like a mouse trying to pull a lion across the ocean (or something to that ridiculous level of "NOPE"). I failed all of my classes one semester because I could not even gather the ability to even hope to go to class. Which brings me to what I wanted to point out at the beginning but didn't get my point across quite right.

1. Hope is the most powerful thing in the human mind--it's why the It Gets Better campaign and several other sorts of things really work. They inspire people that things improve and maybe if they fight a little longer they can get there. Which is why building dreams and hopes is important.

2. It all depends on circumstance for an individual to actually get it into their brains. You can read a book or watch a movie on repeat and different things will stand out to you because what is happening in your life at the current moment is exactly what will effect what you hear and what you don't.

Now, I've gone back through the post history again to reread it and make sure I haven't missed anything and I don't think I have but I apologize if I did. I don't mean to say that you can snap your fingers and find the motivation immediately. In fact, maybe my advice on trying to create your own "bucket list" and fulfilling it won't even work but that isn't what I was trying to do. I was trying to help connect a future with their past interests. I've found it useful, when I feel terribly alone to imagine what kind of future I could have. Be it big and grand or small and silly, it helped ground me. It's not a matter of fulfilling the dream but having a dream.

Now I have to apologize just in case I got the idea wrong again haha I have a bad time wording things and sometimes I interpret things wrong. Either way, I hope you feel better! (Your status says you're feeling sick D: )