I just had to LOL Lilly because you sound just like me right now !

I feel like I'm keeping a full blown out of control Hypo phase at bay, but only just, I can feel that need to just say F it all and let go, but I'm staying together enough to stop it which is kinda annoying because I just want to let go, I want to just be free from having to analysis everything I say and do and just feel good, but I know if I let go I will become self destructive.

even typing this right now I can feel that excitement of letting go building in my stomach, knowing what I can do if I let go, knowing how great it will feel.

and yet I want to cry from frustration because I know I can't, I daren't let go because no good will come of it.