(((((( every survivor here ))))))

It's so difficult to have to grow up with a history of abuse to carry like a lead weight on our bodies, minds and spirits.

I so often asked myself the same thing...how do I put this BEHIND ME???!!!

I've come through much healing and I haven't put it behind me. I never will.

I guess I've learned to take it in as part of me knowing that I'll never be able to put it behind me. I had to accept it because it seeped into EVERY SINGLE aspect of my life, thought, action, word, wish, relationship, everything.

Because of that, there was no putting it behind me.

I had to know how much it affected me...that was so hard to look at and know.

I think I've accepted it and am working on managing that acceptance.

I'm so sorry that we're here discussing this, because it means we've been hurt beyond the imaginable for many. It might be a part of who I am, but it does NOT define who I am.

The abuse is but one color that drapes through the painting of my life...weaving in and out throughout. Though it's there and a bold, almost screaming color, it's but one color that exists there. It takes many colors to create a beautiful life painting. It's how I apply and use all colors that creates a masterpiece? I hope because I'm counting on it.

Much love and respect,

KD