Hi, I haven't posted in this forum. I'm supposedly bipolar. I know that sounds ridiculous but I've always thought it was stress that makes me behave like I'm bipolar. Only a few "episodes" in my life and I'm in my latter 40's.

It did start when I was 21, so it could be. But I have many years in between where I've felt nothing but depression and anxiety, slept well without medication before.

I have a host of illness though, from diabetes, graves thyroid at 24yrs old, high blood pressure, and possible lupus or RA, i've been tested but I have such chronic fatigue, I don't know where it comes from, and now I feel aches and pains almost every day.

I was put on just 25 mg of Seroquel, about 5 years ago or more, and ever since then, I haven't had "episodes", but before, like I said, it was few and far between, and only when my stress was high for obvious reasons, (after both births of my sons, job changes, abuse in my marriage etc)

I guess I'm not sure what I'm asking for here, but I read about BPD, and it sounds more like me, than Bipolar. I'm not able to stay out of a depressed state for very long, for as long as I can remember. I've tried antidepressants, almost all of them and cant handle the side effects and they increase my anxiety.

So I take 10 mg. diazepam, and now upping to 150 seroquel, not XR, in 6 25 mg pills, to take as I need.

I've had the stupid benzos since my teens, and I'll never get off of them, I've tried, and I pretty much went crazy, real crazy.....

thanks for reading, I was just venting, and needed a place to put my thoughts, maybe meet someone similar here to talk with.