I have to say that I never felt bad for things I may have done that seem to be not of the norm. Trying to erase the past is obviously impossible and the only way to feel better is to work on the present and wipe away what cannot be changed. As a narc I myself still do not feel remorse in prior actions but I do battle with trying to act in ways that are not of my nature. My mind still tells me that I am the right one even when I show a different side towards others. It is more of being able to adapt rather than becoming something that were not or maybe never can be. I myself being the "N" that I am can't understand how you are feeling troubled with your prior ways. Are you diagnosed "N" or by-self? I did and still do struggle at times especially when I first learned of this. In the beginning it was rough. To be a person who strives at all times to be the best at all I do and then to see I have something that is not right. It was like trying to fix a broken bottle that was smashed into a million pieces!!! As a N my ways to the nons suck, to me they have always felt like I myself was a non. A person who was normal just with a strong mind and how to tweak to gain. Little did I know then!!! Anyway to play back things we can't change is the same as fixing that broken bottle. Today you get a new bottle with a new flavor inside, even a subtle change is what working towards a goal is all about.
As for the questions you ask:
I have accepted that my past is what it is and have chosen to X the causes out of my life with ZERO regret or remorse

To seek happiness I have tried medicine as my range of emotions are very small. Medicine has not worked as I just stopped taking Lexapro two days ago. Happiness is a definition that has different meanings for all:

Happiness is a mental or emotional state of well-being characterized by positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy Wikipedia

If this is so I am the happiest person alive as my mind for the most part is always content. I think instead of happiness we are all seeking the pleasant emotions of intense joy. This is what I seek and PDOC scripts don't do it so far!!!

One day we will wake no longer, until then we will remain broken. Hopefully when that day comes is when we are equals in mind to the ones we gather with whether it be in the clouds or surrounded by the flames. A quote from the world famous "self" please enjoy it as much as I did....