hello everyone i need your help!
i'm Muslim almost 25 married and 2 daughters
Here is my story I was married very young at 19 years old to a cousin who has 10 years older than me i was not in love but I liked him. he seemed to be nice and cool so i told my self that i'll be able to love him with time and that was the only way for me to suppress my feminine tendency. yes i like women but it's forbidden by religion and neither my community nor my family whom is very religious accept that (we're from Africa). at the beginning everything was fine I thought I stop with the girls until he returns to USA and leaves me at his parent's house. everything was still ok until I felt that her mother wanted to control me (what I hate most in the world) and what and I refuse flagrantly. then she started to shenanigans until we began no longer get along my husband and I. then with the distance and loneliness I gave to the temptation but before that I had admit to him that I was attracted to girls.but his family wasn't informed.this relationship was the only way I had to support how my in-laws and my husband treated me. we stopped arguing over and more often because his mother kept calling and telling him stories and without trying to understand what happened or at least have my story, he got angry and called me right away to make me his reproaches. what i couldn't stand but from the moment I had the support of my girlfriend her love and understanding I could forget everything else and be happy for a little while. Unfortunately he knew what happened because i spoke to an aunt and she told him everything. since our relationship deteriorated with reconciliations and disputes for nothing.Now that I joined him and we live together for 2 years now, things are more or less better. there still is a problem of communication and trust in both way! the problem now is that I physically stopped relations with girls but my husband does not satisfy me sexually and never have done and yet I still had an orgasm with the girls and I still was super horny with them but my husband is quite the opposite. I do not want to deal with the girls anymore and I want them out of my head completely, at least for the sake of my religion. and i don't know if i have a choice if i wanna save my marriage! besides i don't want my children to live the difficulty of divorce and its consequences. my own parents divorced when I was 8 years old and I've never remitted. and I'm pretty sure this is the cause of all the stupidity that I could do at the time. this is also what led me to this conflict inside me that i fight every day. i really want it to stop and be quit with my conscience.so help me please!!!