I started when I was 14 did it till I was 19. Then I stopped for a long time because my boyfriend (now husband) wouldn't allow it. I started again last year because of a mixed episode of bipolar. I've been able to resist since august - that time I hat to get thirteen stitches and hospital for ten days because of psychosis from mania. I had a bad depressed episode in October and I wanted to then but hubby said if I did he would try to have me committed and take our son away so I resisted.

In all the time I spent not doing it, I had urges every single day. I guess I just developed better impulse control and found a reason (hubby) to find better coping skills. Even now that I've been stable on the right med for five months, I still have the urge every day, multiple times a day...it's the closest I can relate to being a drug addict. I think I'll be 50 (26 now) and still have the urge...but as long as I'm not in a mixed episode I have the impulse control to resist.