When I am out of a 'state' I always feel that I was never in it. I can't recall what it was like at all. I write, and if I read writing from a 'state' I am not currently in it's like someone else wrote it. I don't even remember thinking the things I wrote. And my whole existence feels like it never happened. I feel like I make everything up and I'm not really ill at all. So, I know how you feel. It's scary. I'm glad you are feeling better and hope you don't keep going down. I hope you stabalize and feel more comfortable soon. Best of luck.