So, for those of you who have read my other post you'll know that my problem lies with my boyfriends little brother whom I raised as a son for most of his life and his new girlfriend who has shut me out of his life.

For those who don't know a quick flash back. I've been with my boyfriend for 8 years now and in those 8 years I raised his brother whom he had custody of as a son. Doctors appointments, School, Homework, School Functions, Driving license, clothes shopping, washing clothes, cooking dinner, school drop offs and pick ups. My life consisted of everything a mothers would bar nothing, except for the genetic element.

He has health problems which were severe enough we have spent weekends in hospitals, and he's been involved in one car accident they didn't think he would survive and one serious work injury that they thought would cost him his arm. Through all these trials I was there without a single complaint, sleeping on hospital floors, sitting up with him at midnight while he was sick from the medicine and I've seen him safely through three major surgeries.

My "Son"s name is Josh, My boyfriends name is Marc. When Josh decided that he and a few of his friends wanted to get into fourwheeler racing I supported him 100%. The first year wasn't great many wrecks and all last place finishes but I kept pushing him to keep trying. I not only supplied him with a brand new fourwheeler *Effectively Maxing out my credit card* I supply his parts, gear, hotel rooms, registration, rides to and from, gas and snacks. I did it all and was happy to he's very talented.

Recently he began dating a girl named Emily, at first I was skeptical about her there were things I didn't like she's been around a few times and even my son before they were dating said she was an easy lay. He's only 21 and he's never had a girlfriend of any sort. She's 20 and had several boyfriends, she's lived with other men, she's had a few miscarriages, she has an underage drinking problem and admitted to me she has tried drugs. In fact I once picked her up at an ex boyfriends house where she had been smoking pot, she's also a highschool drop out with no job and no desire to go to college and doesn't even have a learners permit.

I don't think I'm better than her at all and I realize that we all have flaws, Lord knows I do, but this is not how my son was raised. We went to church on sunday, he was raised not to have sex with just anyone but to wait for someone special. Not marriage exactly because I'm not that old fashioned but someone who deserves you, He was taught not to do drugs, or drink. He doesn't swear at all I've never even hear him say Oh my God and she drops the EFF bomb very often. My son is a hard worker and a highschool graduate. My boyfriend is a highschool graduate working at a garage to pay to get his truckers license, and I am in college.

I was skeptical about her but for my son gave her a chance. Despite the things I mentioned above she took it to the next level. With in weeks of them dating she insisted she would move in with him or he with her. I put my foot down about it. I admit that I told her straight out that would NOT be happening and I told him he was raised better, he agreed and told her that he wasn't doing that because he didn't want me and his brother to be upset.

That started it anytime she and I were around each other while I tried to be civil she was blatantly rude. She insulted my schooling often saying I was stupid and couldn't make it, She insulted my sense of music taste often, my taste in movies always got her flipping out, she would come into my house and cut me down a million ways because I like to read. I read 3 to 5 books a week, she admitted to me once she can't read. She would tell me constantly that I was boring and stupid for reading. I pushed this away.

One day she found out that do to many health problems I'm not able to have children....that was the perfect ammo and was thrown in my face very often that she's had miscarriages while I've never even conceived. I told her that I didn't believe in having children out of wedlock and that I was waiting until my boyfriend and I were married and I out of college, we weren't trying, but the doctors said not to bother.

Another day she texted me wanting to know where I put her "Personal Products" I said that they were in the bathroom right where I told her I had put them when she brought them to the house she said oh that the house was ripped apart, I wasn't home and assumed she was being funny. When I got home to my room all my dresser drawers were open and my clothes were pulled out. Several shirts are still missing.

When she saw this hurt she went out to the one thing that killed me my son. She would tell me daily several times via text that he hated me, that he made fun of me behind my back, that he wished I'd die, that he was mad that I helped him with races, that he didn't want me at his races and he didn't want me in his life. I blocked her on texting me and my boyfriend sat down with my son, he explained that she wasn't the right fit and had been saying cruel things he also told my son she wasn't welcome in my house anymore. My son denied saying any of it but where he used to come to my house daily he stopped. He recently told my boyfriend that he wasn't welcome at my house and I was mad at him, mortified that he would ever think that I messaged him,

I told him that I loved him more than he'd ever know, that I could never turn my back on him, that he was my life and he was always welcome at my house I also told him I missed him. He never answered me and still won't come to my house. My boyfriend brought it up two days ago saying "Maybe you should come up and spend time with your mom....shes' real sick" My son said he didn't realize I'd been sick my boyfriend said that I was and my son said I miss her too, but Emily wants to come up too she misses mom. My boyfriend said no and my son hasn't mentioned it since.

I am sick on top of a history of heart problems, I have recently developed a stomach problem. I throw up with in twenty minutes of eating and in two months have lost twenty pounds and six jeans sizes. My heart problems have started to act up including, chest pain, migraines, numbness and pain in my left side, dizziness, shortness of breath and extreme exhaustion. I have also began to sleep walk nightly and my hair is falling out. The doctors as of now have no cause.

All these things have gone on for about four months now, My son no longer will see me. In fact I haven't seen him since thanksgiving. Not on his birthday, Christmas, New Years, My birthday or even his brothers birthday. When I text him he won't reply and if we end up at the same place at the same time he won't acknowledge me. Once my boyfriend forced him to come up, he was moody, refused to speak and texted her the entire time he was here and he stayed only a half hour.

I'm hurt beyond reason, and I don't know who I am anymore. For 8 years I've been a mother that's who I was and now I'm not even that.

To add to the sting is our "Race Team" A close group of friends, there is 4 girls not including me and 6 boys including my son and boyfriend. We have known each other for 7 years and been racing together for 2 when my son got a girlfriend the other were ecstatic for him and I was hurt.
When I brought up to the other the things she had done/said to me they told me to stop causing trouble and trying to drag them into it. They said they were staying out of it.

I respected that at first, I told them I was hurt but respected their not wanting in the middle. Recently they have been going out places and taking my sons daughter. Movies, shopping, dinners, parties, riding etc...they take her and they don't invite me anymore at all. At the races they praise her for her hard work and everything she has done when in reality I supply everything.
My son can NOT get hot if he does it could literally kill him on a hot day at the races I bought him a snow cone to keep him cool, he was eating it his girlfriend said something "I don't know what" and he threw it away so she could buy him one. She also constantly sits on his lap and covers him with a blanket...if he gets hot it can kill him and she covers him with a blanket and herself in 80 degree weather.

I told my son the only rule I had with him racing was no passengers on the fourwheeler I said it infront of everyone. He obeyed for the first few races but now if he thinks i'm not watching he hauls her on the back.

My so called friends are always with her and I rarely see them. I told them I'm hurt and I can't be around her I just can't. They have no sympathy.

For the past two years I've done a birthday party at my home for EVERY member of the group. I supply, chips, soda, ice cream, plates, napkins and I bake a cake and decorate it which usually takes 2 to 6 hours. Everyone comes and I've done it all this time she's been around. Recently it was my birthday I got my own cake and etc and invited everyone nobody came. Not one person just my boyfriend, they didn't even call or text to say they couldn't make it. They just didn't come. I was devastated.

This weeked we have a weekend long race once again I made ALL plans and reservations down to the last detail, however I am NOT invited into the pitts. They all get on facebook carrying on about the fun they will all have and not one person asked if I'd be there so I will be in the stands by myself. My boyfriend has to stay in the pitts incase my son gets hurt. so everyone will be together but me. The girls of the group had a party and all got shirts made I wasn't included in that either.

I said that after this weekend I was done. I don't want to be cruel but there's no sense in me going nobody cares if I'm there other than my boyfriend and it's not fun anymore. When I said that I was done and I was taking my fourwheeler back there was a blow up between us all.

My "friends" say that I'm being selfish, I'm acting like a baby, I need to get over it, I just don't want Josh to grow up, I'm a ******, I don't have a heart, and they don't know how I can turn on Josh so easily.

It's hard to walk away but I feel it's killing me to stay I've cried all week about the impending weekend. It also hurts because there was a guy in our group who once called my friend a ***** we kicked him out immediately, there was girl who once made a rude comment of my son we never spoke to her again. They always said "You have a problem with one of us you have a problem with us all" Apparently when it's me being hurt this doesn't count.

I hate to think my friends think I'm immature and a baby about this, but I'm heartbroken and hurt and she doesn't say bad things to them.
I don't know why I'm whining on here except my friends have said they've had enough of my whining about it. They also said I'm ruining the group because I won't get over it.

Get over it.....three words but so harsh.

My relationship with my boyfriend is also struggling, he wants to get married soon, but I don't want my son there and if I don't invite him I know nobody else will come. So in short nobody will come to our wedding, I know it's selfish of me but I just want OUT.
I want nothing to do with any of these people I just want my boyfriend, I find that I don't even care about my son anymore, I don't care if he wrecks or wins in fact I'm hoping he doesn't win because I know if he does he'll worship her for all the things I've done.

Am I being immature? Am I being selfish? or are my feelings justified?

I just want to give up on life. I feel like if I died my boyfriend is the only one that would care and nobody else would even notice. Even when I'm around they don't notice. What's the point in trying when nobody else does?

I've always been loyal to all these people and now they don't care if I live or die as long as they can keep racing with the amazing Emily....I'm just so lost.