My situation is a little complex. But I need serious support.
I am going through a divorce and have 3 young kids. My husband and I are still waiting for things to be finalized and go through the courts. We lived in the same home for financial reasons and for the stability of our kids. He was extremely abusive. So I planned to move far away from him. In the middle of this, I met a really nice guy. We saw each other more and eventually became more involved. But he never wanted to commit for several reasons: he never planned on being a role model for anyone's kids, he was moving out of state within the next couple years and didn't want anyone getting attached to him or vice versa. He didn't want to drag anyone along or adjust their life to his. Also because my divorce wasn't finalized. He said that we would more than likely be together if there weren't so many complications. It was never stated we were exclusive. But deep down I knew he was probably seeing other women. I also demanded I be the only one. Now that I look back, though, I wonder if it was even a fair request since I was still married.
Anyway, I became so depressed knowing he was getting ready to leave. I couldn't let him go without me. This would be the best opportunity to move. At least one of the complications would be eliminated. So I decided to ask him what he thought about me moving there with him. He wasn't sure how to respond and he'd help me move but made it clear I shouldn't move for him. That probably was a red flag. Or was it?
He seemed a little shocked when I told him I was moving,' like it or not.' I would bring my kids to live there after I got things situated. Even though we are now committed, I can't help but worry how he initially felt about being a role model to my kids. Maybe he's changed his mind. Or else why would he be with me now? But it still raises a question whether he will revert back to his old way of thinking. Maybe love can change a person. Idk.
Everything was going well until one day I glanced at a cell phone bill he had laying around. I noticed a particular number he had been texting on a regular basis. When I checked his phone as I had months before, I noticed it was a girl I had seen he texted quite often. One he apparently was sexually involved with. It was the same girl he seemed to be close to. Maybe too close.
Before, the texts were only as if he was just wanting a sexual relationship with her. But this time, months later, the texts were more involved. He'd text that he was attached to her and didn't realize how much she meant to him until after the move. Things like, "I can't get you outa my head beautiful woman" and "I miss you" and how special she was to him. It hurts just writing it. One of their conversations pertained to her insisting they weren't right for one another. He disagreeing, saying they were. He referred to them sharing a long lasting, eternal type of love. What? It was so romantic, it made my stomach turn. He confessed he had always been drawn to her and stayed away because he knew he could become seriously involved with her. But then he'd turn around and say that it was tragic they couldn't be together bc of the situation he was in with me. He wanted her to be with someone worthy of her. Which made me feel great. (Sarcasm) So I'm not sure if that was his way of saying he couldn't be with her ever. I hope it was. But my gut tells me different.
Then there was the one conversation that still pops in my head, making me wonder whether he truly wants to be with me at all. She told him that she didn't know we had planned on moving together. Apparently she was aware of who I was. She was actually happy for us. But he replied that he wasn't with me because of anything he did and he didn't "choose" me. That I insisted I was coming with him. But he had realized I did, after all, move for him. The text wasn't as if he was even happy I had moved. It seemed he was confiding in her about how he really felt. I can't help but feel he's not too serious about us. But why would he tell her those things? If a man wants to be with a woman he would. Right? And I'm the one he's with.
Then I read things about how men don't like to be chased. They want to feel they've worked for it. Will a man be with a woman bc she's convenient? There's so much going on here. I need some serious advice and another perspective on what may actually be going on. Thanks again for reading.