I cannot remember any time when I was enjoying life...perhaps when i was very young before I was old enough to go to school....but even then I was unhappy about my parents arguing all the time.

But yeah so I don't really have a sense of anything to go back to, its all a matter of dealing with how I feel now and moving on from that....but my past certainly cannot be erased except maybe through a ridiculous amount of ECT but I don't want an electrical lobotomy so no thanks.