Hey there. For what it's worth, I don't think it's at all loony that you feel the way you do. Quite understandable, as is the quandary that you're in. Probably not constructive to try to get any of that across to him atm, though.
Can't say as to whether his wanting to not take you was done with love or not, but would suggest you'll know after he's returned?
Sorry I can't offer anything more helpful than that (not in the best space right now), but I'm sure others will do so before top long.
Sorry for your miscarriage and that you had to feel that you looked like an attention-seeker while you were in such pain. May you soon have happier times

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