I personally wouldn't find it fruitful having to struggle to "get through" to a therapist. I believe they're suppose to be taking their lead from your needs. I don't think a goal can be clearer than "help me cope with this illness."

I've seem therapists lash out at the client angrily when they're inadequate for the task.

I doubt anyone left me feeling worse about myself than my angry therapist. I thought him an authority, and when he denounced me for my "defects"--in front of a therapy group no less--it felt like the hand-of-G*d reached down to condemn me as a human being.

Over time I understood his arrogant behavior and saw him for what he was--someone whose only status over me was a college degree, who was inept and terribly suited to his chosen profession. He wasn't the voice of authority, or G*d, or anything else. He was an impotent little man who needed to lash out at a client who innocently told him he was ineffectual.

I'm older and I eventually dealt with childhood sorrows through realizing that everyone had them. My long bouts of therapy ruminating about them left me only self-pitying and less connected to resources that move life ahead. I'm still imperfect and have my style and traits, but so does every other human I've met on the planet.

Unless a court judge forces us, we're not mandated to be in therapy, nor do we owe a therapist any obedience unless we choose.

I'm very sorry you had to sort this out on top of an illness. Your posts come across incredibly sane and incredibly strong, and I hope this holds you in good stead.