Hi, I am not really sure what to say here so, I will give a slight history.
I am 44 yrs old, female. I am gay and have been with my partner for 20 yrs. I have since my teens had episodes of suicidal attempts and was a cutter for many years. I have distorted body image and have a historyof drug and alcohol abuse/ addictions.
I have throughout my adult life, had period of being "normal" and then go through periods where I once again struggle with suicidal ideation. The last 2 years have been tough for me as I was diagnosed with MS and have had to adjust to my life with disabilities.
I didn't know I was depressed after my diagnosis but i turned to drugs again and was absuing them until the end of last year.
I lost my dad in November and although I loved him, I have not been able to feel anything about his death at all. I don't think about him, I don't miss him or anything and my lack of caring and my lack of emotions starting concerning me.
I have for the last 2 months or so been really depressed and it has been taking so much effort for me to do anything. Last month I was discharged from hospital after having to have huge doses of cortisone treatment and that really affects my mental state badly. When I was discharged, I was the most depressed and suicidal I have ever been, My ex therapist helped me through the suicidal ideation and although things improved slightly, nothing has changed.
I am still very depressed, I have just been started on Cipralex but I don't think i can continue feeling so desperate for much longer.
Any advice, comments etc will be appreciated