Hello Viuam: You may well have received wise counsel from your initial post of this. But, at the risk of being redundant, I'll just say that this all sounds pretty clear cut to me. Your ex has told you what he can & can't tolerate as well as where he is & isn't willing to go from here. Yes, the lunch suggestion may have been insincere. Time will tell with regard to that. But, under any circumstances, you need to sort out your emotions with regard to this. What you're doing is not helping. From reading your post, it sounds like you know that. If you have a therapist, it's time to start talking with her or him about this. If not, then perhaps it's time to get one. It sounds to me like you're just having great difficulty accepting things as they are & moving on. That's certainly something that we all struggle with from time-to-time. The important thing, it seems to me, is to not allow yourself to remain stuck where you are now... but to sort through your feelings & find a way to move on successfully. My best wishes to you!