I'm glad that you are physically safe. I stayed in my marriage for similar reasons too. I wanted my children to have an intact family. That is something that I still believe in, although it became impossible due to the control issues and emotional abuse. It is hard to recognize those as problems sometimes. I told myself it wasn't that bad. He intimidated but didn't actually hit me. He destroyed me emotionally though. Maybe if I had recognized it earlier, we could have worked on the problems and had a healthier relationship, but at the end I couldn't live that way anymore, he wasn't getting what he wanted from me anymore, and he threw me away like yesterday's trash. That was what the children learned that relationships are like. One is afraid of any sign of anyone liking her. One has a boyfriend who treats her like my ex treated me. One is still a teenager and is very withdrawn and not talking to me much or really doing much of anything. They would have been better off if they had learned that the kind of relationship they saw in my marriage was not right or acceptable. Not saying that it will be the same for you, and I still applaud your desire to do what is best for your children and to live your values.

This might be interesting to you:

Power and Control issues