I don't know where this post fits best. I want to be honest and say that I'm a returning member... I don't think I'll be coming back consistently, though. I used to post here under another name, but I haven't posted in a long time and I don't want to be recognized today.

I just need a place to vent and be heard.

I am so frustrated with my life right now. It's so hard not to give up. No matter what I do, I can't make ends meet financially and my situation feels so hopeless. I'm just all messed up, disorganized, and not making enough money to make it. I'm so ashamed of it, because I turned out just like my parents. I never wanted to be like them, and it hurts so bad. I really need help, and my therapist wants to help, but it's so hard for me to be honest with her about my situation- about the parts that are my fault, like my disorganization.

Everything in me feels disorganized and so hard to sort through

And I'm borderline. I've been working with my therapist for years and years and years, and yet things are strained because because I can't attach, trust, open up, be vulnerable... I can't seem to have empathy for anyone else. It's not that I'm a bad person, I'm just in so much pain all the time, every day, that it's soooo hard to see beyond myself.

I have so little in life, but I feel like I have more than I deserve.

I am so ashamed of who I am.