mostly all my triggers are always people I am very close with and love dearly.

I dont know why it hurts so bad when they disappoint me.
Sometimes I think its because I prioritize others more so then I should? So when they let me down it means so much more because if it were me I would never do x y z because I care for them with all of my being.

I know its not true. But my emotional part doesnt let me think clearly enough to realize this in the moment.

Hurting others never feels intentional for me. When I am in a bad place I become critical and push people away. I rather do the pushing then be dropped. Rejection feels like a knife to the heart. Expectations are a big reason for the disappointment.

I dont know how to change any of this really..
I try to not get into certain convos or refrain from contact all together if im doing really bad...when asked about being distant i usually say that I havent been feeling great.

The need to connect leaves me still dealing with my on and off again bf who is my biggest trigger most days.

Its a constant battle.

Hang in there Cat