I really wish I knew what exactly is wrong with me, but after reading about tons of different disorders, I still can't put my finger on it. Part of me would love to believe that I am normal and just have odd preferences and habits, but then there's a part that says "something's not right with you!"

When I was young, I was a normal, happy kid. I was shy but still had tons of friends. As I get older, it seems I am turning more and more inward. And feeling more and more isolated from people. I do not have a single friend. I have a lot of acquaintances (kids at my college) but no real friends. I spend too much time at home, alone in my room. I go on my computer and watch lots of tv. But I know this is unhealthy. I would love to go out more, it's just that I have nowhere to go. I get nervous when I'm around people, but only when it's in designated social settings. Like school, or a party, or places like that --places where you are SUPPOSED to be social. I am totally fine when I am out and about running errands or shopping or whatever.

I wish I could take away my social awkwardness. I feel like if I wasn't socially awkward, I wouldn't be depressed. I wouldn't be feeling this painfully lonely. Being the way that I am makes me feel hopeless and worthless.

I can't afford counseling or therapy. So any other options?? I just need help so bad. I am scared that if I don't do something about this now, my mental state will get worse and worse.