I'm so..............frustrated, I guess............I am a survivor who is still jobless and living at home. I tried to move out and go to college away from home but chickened out last-minute. Been living with DID for as long as I can remember, though only diagnosed about three years ago. I've had a hard time recovering due to living with a parent who doesn't believe I have anything to "survive." I am in therapy despite this parent's disapproval. Now, please don't get me wrong............she loves me for sure..............she just doesn't believe my story. Throughout my life I've felt compelled to look up odd, random things that made no sense to me and even disgusted me until memories started resurfacing. After my memory recovery, I could make sense of why I'd been looking at and reading certain things, though I was/am still disgusted by it all. I find some level of comfort in reading stories of other people who've gone through similar things. I try and look for books that recount lives affected by trauma and DID. Then, I feel, I am not alone. However, due to some negative coping mechanisms my privacy has been taken from me. Therefore, my computer is in the main living space of the house. Everything I read, look at and listen to online is ready to be known by said parent. Just now I was watching a youtube documentary when she walked by and casually commented, "is that healthy to watch?" So annoying! I was just curious.............why does she care what I read/watch? But I guess even I was feeling guilty for watching the video because that's all it took for me to turn it off. so this brings me to my question.......why? Why am I drawn towards things that could potentially trigger me? Why do I watch/read things that bother me because they resemble my story? And, why am I still so concerned with what my parent thinks of me that I allow her to dictate how I spend my free time?