Lillyleaf, I love your entry because it is so passionate and raw. I am sorry that you are feeling isolated in your own abyss of depression. I too hate being around people who are never going to "get it" or have the answers, and blurting out something like-tonight when I was at work and I said "I don't give a f***," "well what do you mean?" asked my manager, and I replied "I just don't give a f*** about this job, I don't give a f*** about anything." He replied that it was "Strange to hear such vulgar language" coming from me. Which only made me more agitated, and disconnected.

If you feel scared of yourself, you should see a therapist and talk it out. If you are already seeing one, you need to see them more often. Talk to someone who might have some ideas as to how you can help yourself when you are in that desperate moment. I know how it is, I've been there.