I want to thank everyone for responding each in her own way. I did poorly for the hour after I posted. I ended up crouched on the floor of the shower zoned out at which time I cut myself. Sigh. Then I got dressed, went to work, left a message with my T, and then was able to have a ***** session with a co-worker and my boss. Didn't come up with much but the 3 of us got a lot off our chests.

Jessica--We did debt counsoling once. It worked well for a short while, we even got our debt down halfway. Now we are over twice what we had before we went in. Problem was lessons were not learned. Sigh. My husband needs to deal with the consequences or he won't learn, unfortunately in order for him to deal with the consequences I too have to deal with them. I don't have the answer. What makes me feel so powerless is that I have asked, begged, demanded, pleaded that he change his habits and nothing changed. The fact is that I have no control over this aspect of my life and therefore do not feel safe. He is making a big effort right now to change his behavior but I have to wait and see. I am trying to be positive and supportive but all the while I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. Eventually I want to refinance through my bank who carries our mortgage but we need to get our payments in on time for awhile to be even considered.

Mary Alice--thanks for your empathy. Can we curl up together for a little while? That was the hardest part of yesterday, fighting the desire just to crawl into bed and going to sleep. I knew I couldn't do it because if I did I would be up all night and the cycle would begin.

Susan--thanks for the hug. I so needed it.

Zenhussy--It is such a difficult decision. With my kitty I took him into the vet because he was sick and he was locked in a little cage for the last 2 days of his life scared and alone. I won't let that happen to another of my pets. So I have avoided vets for the last 4 years. Now I need a vet's help because I can't just sit here and watch my dog and other cat deteriate and not do anything about it. I took my other cat in a couple of weeks ago. It was about all I could do. I needed my husband to take the dog in but he didn't. He couldn't get the dog in the car. I know I shouldn't resent him for it, but I do because now I have to go to the vets with my dog. I don't want to go, I really really don't want to go. But I have too. I don't know anyone who can come here. Sigh.

Sky--Yeah, it is life but so is getting hit by a train or getting cancer. It is all just life. And sometimes life can drown someone and destroy them. Life is what each of us goes through from birth to grave. I understand all that I listed is just life but so was the lump in my friend and coworker's breast. Just life. It is also part of life to turn to other's and ask for their support. To whine and cry so that your friends can give you a hug and kind words. Sometime Life just plows people under to see what comes up from the furrow six weeks later. It is just life. I appreciate you trying to put it into perspective, I am just a wee bit to bitter for that kind of perspective. Sorry.

Ghost--Thank you for your "****" reply. A couple of my responses are up above to other people but here are the plans that I have started to formulate:
1. Take the dog to the vet already and stop whining about it. If he has to be put down at least I gave him what love I could.
2. I am going to call mom and tell her I can't come over this weekend. I can't deal with her and her problems right now and I shouldn't feel like it is my responsibility to get the kids over there to see her. I have more pressing things on my plate right now. Self Care.
3. I talked to my T about the whole football thing. She said I have to truely give the problem to my husband. I asked him for help, he said he would do it, then what do I do? I swoop in for the save and then take all the guilt when things don't get done. That is not the way it should be. I have to tell my husband that it is up to him to take care of like he said he would, then I have to step away from it.
4. I bought an I'm Sorry card and gave it to my co-worker to apologize for missing the meeting.
5. You are totally right here. I just have to get the courage up and voice it. My husband needs to make the choice about his job for himself and there truely isn't anything I can do about it. I can always sell the house if I need too.
6. See message above to Jessica.
7. Have I any choice but plowing on? I may poke myself with pins and cut myself with razors but I DO NOT want to fail this lesson in life and end up having to live it all over again. I will not quit no matter how much I want too. I am one who believes we live a life over and over until the lesson is learned and then we move on. I won't do this again.

Thanks again everyone. You helped me tremendously.
Love you,
Carrie

<font color=blue>If you have two dollars, spend one on bread and the other on flowers. The bread will feed your body and the flowers will feed your soul."--Arabic Saying