I agree it isn't the marijuana. I've smoked lots and so have friends/BFs and that doesn't cause people to be mean. Does he drink alcohol? Any chance he is doing drugs besides the marijuana. I had a BF turn violent and mean when he started using meth but he never did the meth in my presence so it was a long time until I found out from one of his friends that he was using the meth.

Either way you deserve to be respected and he isn't respecting you at all. I can't say what direction to go with your marriage or how long to wait to set an ultimatum but maybe you could talk to a therapist that might help you.

Here is something that describes abuse beyond just the physical kind. Do you see these in your relationship?