Understand completely!! I'm old enough to be a grandmother, yet I still fall victim to my mother's crap. She is dysfunctional, manipulative and just plain mean and nasty, yet I will find myself getting caught in her web. I've gone years without contact with her, then for some reason it's like I've forgotten everything I know about her - I guess as a "child" my craving for acceptance and love from her never ends. I will find myself right back into the same pain, depression and sick relationship as where I last left off with her.

At least now I have learned to not beat myself up when I do it. I forgive myself and move on. Society makes us so vulnerable to the message that if one does not get along with one's family it must be YOUR fault, not theirs (especially around Christmas!!). Not true. As a therapist of mine once pointed out, it's the weakest link in a chain that breaks.

In other words, the most healthy person in a family may very well be the one to present as "sick" or "crazy." One thing that always struck me in my many hospitals stays was how often the family members coming to visit often seemed or acted crazier than the patient in the hospital.

Give yourself a big hug (((Jax))) and move on. Even if you get caught up in your family's dysfunction again, that's okay. As long as you realize they are sick and you need to love and protect yourself from them. Take care.