thank you everyone who posted on this thread to me. i havent been up to replying as im still feeling pretty much the same. today i got some time to meditate for a bit and journal which gave me a bit of peace for a while. i am going to try to get some reiki done tomorrow. that always helps me sleep well after at least and i so need the rest.
i didnt mean to make people cry. please dont feel bad for me. i genuinely dont deserve sympathy. i am sorry though that you all understand.
(((((((((((all who feel this)))))))))))