Yesterday I suggested to my husband that I try to get a babysitter and we have a date night. His response was to look at me like I had three heads and say, in a very serious/confused tone,"We're married...why the hell would I 'date' you?!?". I was left feeling awkward, embarrassed, and speechless.
I guess on somewhat of an up note, I was hired for a part time job last week. My college educated, degree holding self is working a minimum wage part time job unrelated to my education. I feel a bit resentful, but a little something is better than nothing, I suppose.
I'm off my meds again due to lack of a new doctor and not able to afford refills anyway. I've caught myself 'slipping' a few times. Overwhelming anxiety, no desire to really do anything but lay in bed and cry, increasing insomnia due to my mind not "shutting off", more frequent crying spells and angry outbursts.... The list just seems to go on. I'm trying to 'keep it together', but it's getting noticeably harder.
I'm just feeling really low at this time. I'm lonely, and yet I don't want to be around anyone either! Does it REALLY ever get any better?