Quote:
Originally Posted by torbleh
Hey guys.
This is my first post so I hope it's everything alright with it.
We've been together for about 6 moths and... yeah you could say we're pretty happy with each other, but there is one very big problem:
I have depression (as a sickness, not a feeling) since the 6th grade (I'm in 10th now). I ran away from school, jumped of a bridge to kill myself, got caught and taken to the psychiatry. I still think about that a lot.
I told my girlfriend, because she just had to know to understamd my behavior. You know, I just sometimes start crying for no obvious reason (what is really embarrassing for me, I'm a boy...) or I'm suddenly angry/sad or something. So I told her and she was really upset (for a reason, I guess). I told her the whole story via Whatsapp, cause I can't talk about that face to face. I would start crying and she wouldn't understand a word. So it took many nights and she was listening. Now, every time when we argue (which is not too often... but enough) she's complaining about I stole her nights and so on. That hurts a lot!
Also she just doesn't care about the fact that I have depression. She's just not understanding that I need a lot of attention. I sometimes think about trying to kill myself again and I tell her about that. She's just saying that she doesn't want me to and she would be very sad if I do.
And then again, she complains about I'm stealing her time. I'm just trying to tell her what's wrong but she doesn't give a sh...
I guess she'll never understand what's really wrong. At the time, I stopped talking about myself, but that just makes it worse. Now she's telling me she want to know when I'm sad and so on. Later, she'll be annoyed again. I don't understand it.
You know, I really love her, but our relationship is a bit complicated now...
I don't want to loose her!
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Hey torbleh, I can only imagine the amount of courage it took for you to open up to her. I still fear coming clean to those who are close to me in a personal way. The thing is i don't think the people we love and hold closest to our hearts can really understand us. The fact is they do love us, they want whats best but they themselves don't know how to handle it. Something we have learned to live with and learned to deal with is something foreign to them and complicated. It took me three years almost 4 to figure out how to cope with depression. My parents only recently have discovered my episodes and behaviour because i've gotten progressively worse. The thing is though i think we need to understand them as well. We know we are different and we know sometimes what we need. Wether that be we need to be left alone or we need constant attention and affection. Our patterns of mood swings and surprise crying is nothing new to us, but for our loved ones, it is new. Don't give up this relationship because no matter how difficult it becomes its the rough patches that help build relationships and even ourselves. She doesn't understand yet what everything is about. 6 months is a long time but short learning period. Try your best to open up with her and explain yourself the best way you know how. My friends are the people who are closest to me. It took a few months to get them to understand that my manic depression (bipolar) caused mood swings of terrible proportions. The whole topic of death became easy and acceptable to me but scared others. I opened up to them, showed them what it was like for me, what death meant to me and i as able to access all these emotions and become vulnerable, but it helped. They learned more about me and how to help me in times of stress and sadness. They learned while i learned. I think thats an important thing to know, its a day by day process of figuring out who we are while others do too. We don't know all the answers about ourselves either but we sure can learn a lot. So keep in mind that when things are happening to you that you should immediately share with her because then she discovers about as much as you do. Try your best to explain things, and if you have to hold out thats ok too. Sometimes even i get a little scared. I mean you've already shared with someone you love in a personal way. I haven't even gotten that far yet and I'm 19. I don't think is annoys her, i think it might confuse her and have her scared, but you have to be her reminder that you're ok and you love her. Remember to let her in as much as possible. If she does more harm than good bud id say maybe she isn't right, but for now it takes a little time before you truly know.
Remember that one day of badness will always have two days of good, even when its hard to believe it, its true. Don't think of it in any other way, keep pushing through, head held high and don't look back on the bad.
I hope all works out for you!
