I can't answer the parts about having had good enough parents. Mine were fine in the sense that they met my basic needs for food and shelter. They were pretty misattuned to me, though, and my mother tended to solve problems through verbally lashing out and sometimes through hitting.

I can say that I've formed intense maternal transferences with several different people in my life, mostly teachers and therapists. For the longest time, I never said anything about my feelings to anyone, because I was so ashamed of them. I did, however, do various attention-seeking things - mostly trying to shine in terms of achievement, because that's the only way I knew to seek and receive praise.

I had a horrifically difficult maternal transference with my previous therapist, and it was never resolved. I hated myself for feeling so out of control in the relationship - feeling completely overwhelmed with neediness and the like. She terminated me about 9 months ago.

Since then, I've worked with another therapist, and feel like I'm finally starting to resolve some of those issues. Or maybe it's because the maternal transference has only developed in a limited way with my current therapist. She has definitely met some of my needs - for reassurance, for attunement, for empathic understanding. She made herself human from the outset, and although there have been times when I've wanted her to do/be more than she actually can be, most of the time, I feel happy with our relationship as it is (therapist/client). It's not painful at all, really, which had been my almost constant experience with my last therapist.

I'm curious to hear your thoughts/experience.