Thank you for all you help I am strongly thinking about going to a therapist but because of my past I'm a bit paranoid to talk to one I'm afraid of getting locked up or becoming a shell of myself from meds. I am the kinda person who believes medicine should only be used when absolutely needed. I haven't been to any sort of doctors in like 5 years. I work through the pain. what doesn't kill you makes you stronger but I guess that's not true when it mental.