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Old Feb 11, 2014, 03:14 AM
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Poohbah
 
Member Since: Dec 2013
Location: Europe
Posts: 1,142
Quote:
Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans View Post
I've been mulling this over in my head and wanting some feedback. I am curious about the source or the cause of intense maternal (or parental, whatever) transference or attachment in therapy.

In another thread I recently wrote something to the effect of "intense attachment to one's T is a surrogate for the early parental bond that the client missed out on." It made sense to me when I wrote it, as though it was a simple factual observation. But I realize that this is just my assumption. I assume that the painful, practically insatiable yearning for parental love from one's T necessarily has it's roots in inadequate parenting.

So then I wondered if people who feel that they have had good or "good enough" parenting develop really intense maternal transference in their therapeutic relationships. How often do people who feel that they have had good enough parenting even seek out or end up in any kind of longer term, intense therapy anyway? Is there an element of reverse causality at play? To wit: can anybody's parenting really withstand the scrutiny of intense psychotherapy and still appear to have been good enough?

We don't hear a lot on this forum from people who say they had pretty good parents. What is the therapeutic attachment like for people who feel that most of their emotional needs were met as children?

Whatever kind of parents you had, do you feel that your unmet childhood needs have manifested in your attachment to your T? Have you formed that kind of intense parental attachment to people other than T (& other than your parents!)? How do you feel about having that attachment? If you've worked through it and felt it's intensity lessen, did you specifically notice that some unmet need had been fulfilled?

I'm so curious about your thoughts!

I'll post about my experience later on.
Okay, so I think I belong to this minority as I have really great parents... Of course they've made some mistakes in parenting (who haven't) but I've always felt loved and my emotional needs were met...
To my first T, I haven't been attached at all (but based on my posts it could be deduced that it was more due to bad fit than not needing the attachment).
To my consulting T I am still not very attached (I like her, and it would be a pity if suddenly we had to terminate but probably more because I will have to again look for another T) - however, we had only 2 sessions till now... I think I might become very attached to her, she's warm, at the very similar age as my parents and sometimes I think it would be cool to sleep on her knees (I would never ever do this of course!). Thus, after some more sessions I hope I will be able to answer your question better...

I guess I will need a long term intense therapy even as I have cool parents but of course I might be an exception Maybe the reason is that even while having great "parenting" I have never shared my secrets with my parents and we rather avoid difficult topics, maybe if I had their support all the time, I would not need the therapy - I guess I will never know that but it was my decision to not ask them for the support...
Hugs from:
Favorite Jeans
Thanks for this!
rainbow8