View Single Post
 
Old Feb 11, 2014, 04:07 AM
AllyIsHopeful AllyIsHopeful is offline
Poohbah
 
Member Since: Dec 2013
Location: ....
Posts: 1,238
My grandmother was and is a great mother to my mom. My mom has always suffered from depression and relationship issues so she's been in and out of therapy, both long term and short. She was always an average client, just there to talk and receive advice and guidance. She liked her therapists, but never idealized them.

However........My mother was horrible. She had me fairly young and has zero maternal instincts or nurturing qualities. So my childhood with her sucks. Hardly any bonding, no "I love you's" (that i could recall), abandonment, verbal and physical abuse, rejection, and all from a very young age. I have experienced extreme maternal transference with my current Therapist.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans View Post
I've been mulling this over in my head and wanting some feedback. I am curious about the source or the cause of intense maternal (or parental, whatever) transference or attachment in therapy.

In another thread I recently wrote something to the effect of "intense attachment to one's T is a surrogate for the early parental bond that the client missed out on." It made sense to me when I wrote it, as though it was a simple factual observation. But I realize that this is just my assumption. I assume that the painful, practically insatiable yearning for parental love from one's T necessarily has it's roots in inadequate parenting.

So then I wondered if people who feel that they have had good or "good enough" parenting develop really intense maternal transference in their therapeutic relationships. How often do people who feel that they have had good enough parenting even seek out or end up in any kind of longer term, intense therapy anyway? Is there an element of reverse causality at play? To wit: can anybody's parenting really withstand the scrutiny of intense psychotherapy and still appear to have been good enough?

We don't hear a lot on this forum from people who say they had pretty good parents. What is the therapeutic attachment like for people who feel that most of their emotional needs were met as children?

Whatever kind of parents you had, do you feel that your unmet childhood needs have manifested in your attachment to your T? Have you formed that kind of intense parental attachment to people other than T (& other than your parents!)? How do you feel about having that attachment? If you've worked through it and felt it's intensity lessen, did you specifically notice that some unmet need had been fulfilled?

I'm so curious about your thoughts!

I'll post about my experience later on.
__________________
<3Ally

  • Clinophobia
  • MDD
  • GAD
Thanks for this!
Favorite Jeans