Dear GirlOfManyFaces,

Yours was the first post I have read as I join the forum. Afterwards, I also read all other replies. Then I went through your profile.

I have some observations that I would like to share with you, provided you are open to receiving them and not reject them the way you have rejected at least one of them above.

You say that:
1. You are hurting badly inside due to which you want to hurt yourself outside.
2. PLEASE: refrain from using the word "R*p*"
3. Your spelling. You are dyslexic and may get things wrong
4. One of your personalities is very aggressive, you are sorry if she/he overreacts
5. Often completely lose it and just rant like crazy
6. You may not always be 100% lucid. But you hope you make sense

Learning so much about you, I really feel like empathizing with you, but I think I should not.

Why? Because, a person who knows so much about herself and can be so accurate in her self-diagnosis simply cannot be a weak person who she says she is. Provided she is not just using words from other people's (therapists) diagnosis to make her own reality.

Yes, I fully empathize with whatever happened to you in your past, but tell me truthfully -- Do you have any ways to change your past? I guess not. Nobody that I know has this power to change the past. But I certainly know of many people who chose to let-go of their painful past by changing their focus and releasing the traumatic negative energy from their lives to move ahead.

You tell everybody to not to use the "R*p*" word. But once again tell me -- How would have I or anybody else have known anything about the "R*p*" word, had you not told us anything about it. In fact, sorry to say it, it is you who is holding on to this crazy, stupid and negative word, not others. So if you don't want anybody to use it or remind you of those painful moments, stop using it in your life too. The first step can easily be by removing it from your sign-off area.

You also say that "Something is seriously wrong with me. I NEED to be in a psych ward but I can't get help. I want help but CANT!!"

I say, you don't need anybody else to help you. You don't need to be in a psych ward. You know why? Because, nobody from outside of you can help you unless you want to be helped. It is not too difficult to change the "I CAN'T" to "I CAN". You just have to remove the alphabet "T" from it.

But truthfully, it is not that easy too. To do that, you will have to trust somebody who can guide you, and you will have to TAKE ACTION. Without taking action nothing can help you. No matter how many books you read, how many forums you join, or how many people you consult with, you cannot change anything unless you STOP REJECTING THE HELP that's coming your way and START TAKING ACTION.

Playing the role of a victim may look good in the movies, not in the real life. Life is just too beautiful to let it pass unnoticed. Trust me. I too speak from experience.

Currently you are a young 15 yr girl. There is so much of beautiful life ahead. Get up and embrace it. At 15, just don't be 100% sure of anything yet. There are people who have been around for a little more time than you, learn from their experiences too.

My another suggestion to you is that get physically active a lot more than what you are currently. Participate in sports. Exhaust yourself completely. It will have a lot of beneficial effect on you - both physically, mentally and emotionally. If you are on any kind of medication, it will also help your body to balance itself and get rid of the medicines.

I strongly recommend you joining the martial arts classes, if you can afford to. It will also teach you enough self-defense techniques for your future use.

Get rid of nay-sayers, and make friends with people who are great company. Step away from people who put you in the negative direction or action that you may have to repent later.

I think, I have already written a lot today. You have every right to reject every word that I have written, and you are free to do it. But I just have one request, before you reject it, just think deeply about it once more.

Bless you.