I have my appointment with my T today at 3... I still feel the tightness in my chest and I haven't eaten today, nor do I feel any sort of hunger. I hope the T can help me, but this is the second time I've followed the same behavioral pattern. And I KNOW for a fact that it's ****ed up. So why do I feel and behave this way? What if he can't do anything this time? I knowingly **** myself up. I'd rather be just completely bonkers and not know what's going on. At least I couldnt blame myself, but with this it's just constant shitting on myself. I keep thinking that I know exactly what to do but I don't because I am weak and I'm a pushover and I don't have the will to take responsibility for my own life and body. I am just ****.