Torbleh, I understand what you mean- she sounds really important to you and I only hope she isn't only hurting you. Bringing up your emotions in a relationship should never end up with you looking like a bad guy. You are 50% of the relationship, it should never just be her needs over your own. Your partner should be someone you love, care for and can share anything with- someone who is willing to go through anything for you because they know you will do the same.

I'm not suggesting you go by her house one day and say "Hey, let's talk about my depression right now." It's something that takes a little time, a little working up to. Maybe during a good evening you'll turn to her and say " We need to talk... I care for you very much- you are the only person that makes me smile- makes me feel wanted...you've very important to me, that's why I want you to know about my problems...." maybe you shouldn't go into detail, but you should let her know that you have depression- it is the reason you react and act the way you do, that you want her to know this so that she can understand your actions. It's not something you can flick on or off. If you don't take time to explain it to her when you're clear, it will be impossible when you are down and she'll have no time to register what is happening.

Another thing, suicide is incomprehensible to some people. They don't understand why someone would do something like that, even though it seems like the only escape to us. It's a scary idea, that seems selfish- don't pressure her by saying things like "You are the reason I live," but be more clear, "I care very much about you, you help me feel value." Bringing up suicide, may make her feel like you're threatening her, or that you don't care enough about her to live, so she may lash out at you. Your relationship is still very young, and it will take more time to know about each other before it can work into a healthy thing.

You cannot detach from your depression, you cannot grow away from it, but you can live with it- you can find ways to be happy and you deserve them. Remember this, it is a part of you, you cannot live without- but if she is causing more harm than she is good, you have no chance, you can't go on living your life with her, but you can live without her. I hope this helps. If you need to talk more personally, maybe vent about your depression to someone that will listen, you can send me a private message. Much love to you, Torbleh.

Hey torbleh, I can only imagine the amount of courage it took for you to open up to her. I still fear coming clean to those who are close to me in a personal way. The thing is i don't think the people we love and hold closest to our hearts can really understand us. The fact is they do love us, they want whats best but they themselves don't know how to handle it. Something we have learned to live with and learned to deal with is something foreign to them and complicated. It took me three years almost 4 to figure out how to cope with depression. My parents only recently have discovered my episodes and behaviour because i've gotten progressively worse. The thing is though i think we need to understand them as well. We know we are different and we know sometimes what we need. Wether that be we need to be left alone or we need constant attention and affection. Our patterns of mood swings and surprise crying is nothing new to us, but for our loved ones, it is new. Don't give up this relationship because no matter how difficult it becomes its the rough patches that help build relationships and even ourselves. She doesn't understand yet what everything is about. 6 months is a long time but short learning period. Try your best to open up with her and explain yourself the best way you know how. My friends are the people who are closest to me. It took a few months to get them to understand that my manic depression (bipolar) caused mood swings of terrible proportions. The whole topic of death became easy and acceptable to me but scared others. I opened up to them, showed them what it was like for me, what death meant to me and i as able to access all these emotions and become vulnerable, but it helped. They learned more about me and how to help me in times of stress and sadness. They learned while i learned. I think thats an important thing to know, its a day by day process of figuring out who we are while others do too. We don't know all the answers about ourselves either but we sure can learn a lot. So keep in mind that when things are happening to you that you should immediately share with her because then she discovers about as much as you do. Try your best to explain things, and if you have to hold out thats ok too. Sometimes even i get a little scared. I mean you've already shared with someone you love in a personal way. I haven't even gotten that far yet and I'm 19. I don't think is annoys her, i think it might confuse her and have her scared, but you have to be her reminder that you're ok and you love her. Remember to let her in as much as possible. If she does more harm than good bud id say maybe she isn't right, but for now it takes a little time before you truly know.

Remember that one day of badness will always have two days of good, even when its hard to believe it, its true. Don't think of it in any other way, keep pushing through, head held high and don't look back on the bad.

I hope all works out for you!