Im really struggling at the moment. I am coming to terms with that a guy I loved used me for sexual favours, and did something bad (possible sexual assualt, Im still having a really hard time accepting this).
I keep finding ways to defend him... "It could have been worse", "he could have carried on", "it only lasted a few minutes", "maybe me pulling away wasn't a clear enough sign (I consented initially, though I didn't want to)", "he wouldn't do that, why would he?"...
This constant, all the time, 24 hours a day. Im really really struggling. I was starting to realise it maybe wasn't okay, but now all the confusion, doubt, disbelief is back.
I try not to think about it, but there are triggers EVERYWHERE. The thought of him makes me feel scared.
I need answer to these questions, but Im not sure I'll ever get them...
Any advice/opinion appreciated.