I forgot to also say this post is really stupid.
That's that question...I think it is like asking someone what is beauty... Of course there is a concept, but there are limits beside wich you pass the normality. From what I know non normality begins to be problematic when it interferes with one person life...that's when being unnormal becomes a disease. And for me, my way of being terrible interferes with my life and my happiness. It's just I'm constantly forgoting how I am and how I think.
Well, even the boundaries to be a normal person are not well defined, over the years, I created this concept of the person I want to be. And I hate not being like this, perhaps I would acept me not being like that if I still could had meaningfull relationships with people and I could avoid the unconfortable silences all the time. But I really wish to be a good person, one of the ones who feel empaty and can help others. It's just that I've been calling min and selfish since I know myself and I perceived it as a wrong thing. But it is a wrong impossible to change thing.
When I was a little kid and I was atentive to my parents behaviour to know how I should behave I knew I wanted to be like my father and I didn't want to be like my mother because she was emotionaly could and distanct. As about my father he is very smart and knows a lot about everything so I guess I put my standards very high. I would not say I'm not smart (it use to be the only thing I had), but as I seen the world, other people opinions and soo... I'm always getting to the conclusion that I am not good enough.