Thank you both for replying.
hannabee, yes. I have been seeing a counselor about it , and a number of other issues, for the past 10 weeks. I do blame myself. Its easier than trying to understand how somebody could do that somebody else. I cant accept it due to the questions I listed in my original post..

nicoleflynn, I have looked into them. But I live in the UK and believed that is based in US.. Thank you though