Yes, I'd agree that could be a possibility. I don't think that nearly so many people who come across as dark/not caring are that dark/not caring, or if so maybe if circumstances could change for them (even just having the "right" people walk into their life) then they wouldn't be quite as much so......sometimes, but................And maybe you did give that impression (if you did so might have they), but like you said that isn't really you underneath.
Although I'd say the most important thing IS to be yourself and you weren't that.
Like I think you're saying though it can seem so much easier to convince yourself you don't care, but if somewhere however well hidden, you do still care it's stil there and it's still going to hurt just as much if not more, trying to hold it inside one way or another.
So sometimes it really is worth facing, feeling and slowly accepting how things feel/the situation. And there are going to be much better ways of protecting ourselves from pain (although everyone feels pain at times) than locking things out and never taking the risk on being happy again.
I know it can be really hard and may happen only gradually but there can sometimes be lessons to be learnt from heartbreak's e.g. recognizing when something isn't working/isn't going to work and either changing or ending it before.........recognizing different ways to cope with difficult times............
It sounds like you're stepping back into that world where besides times that can be agonizing there are also amazing possibilities and feelings as well. And you know they can be worth it? Well in comparison with completely losing/never being yourself they have to be worth it do you think???
Sorry if I'm completely "off base" there, just putting my interpretation on what you were meaning.
But any support I can give..............just come back to me.............
Alison