First off - I have been extremely irritable for about three weeks now. I'm doing a decent job of keeping it to myself and NOT snapping like my brain consistently wants to... but it's hard and it's draining.

And currently, my biggest ire (as in the biggest thing to piss me off in the past 3 minutes) are all the little positive sayings that float around on fb in pictures.

Things like "As you waste your breath complaining about life out there is someone breathing their last. Appreciate what you have, be thankful and stop complaining. Live more, complain less. Have more smiles, less stress."

And other such things.o

I understand the concept, sure. But it's SOOOO infuriating to read them all the time because FFS, if I could just change my brain around I WOULD F****** DO IT. Hell, it's what I am trying to do ALL day EVERY day. I can list loads of reasons why I SHOULD be grateful and happy. But it doesn't mean that I FEEL that way. And then I feel guilt over the fact that I can't change my brain around like these people all seem to think I should be able to!

It just feels really invalidating, because it's like... clearly these people don't understand how depression and this sort of s*** works. If I'm honest with them and show them or talk to them about how I feel, am I going to be considered an ungrateful little s***? Are they going to think that I'm CHOOSING to be this way?? Are they going to tell me that I should just try harder and that things will be better??

It just is frustrating me, and I needed somewhere to blurt it out. I don't like having to lie and pretend to such a huge extent!