I have yet to be diagnosed with bi-polar disorder...(although I'm not an oaf who cannot take a step back and try my best to self-evaluate). Hence, I'm currently looking for a psychiatrist. I digress...

I completely get what you guys are saying about the IG and FB memes. As much as I would love to be an optimist and say that things could always be worse, things have always been worse.

When I was fifteen a psychiatrist told my father he thought I had bi-polar disorder and I though it was a joke. I thought it was just another excuse for pharmaceutical companies to make money because who doesn't have mood swings?

I just turned twenty-one last month and I'm tired of not feeling in control of my life. Almost like I'm an outsider watching someone else live my life. I can completely feel myself and assured in myself, then other times I hate myself and do erratic things that I normally wouldn't do. I don't know where this impulsion comes from. it scares the living S**T out of me.

Yet again, I apologize for the digression (I just joined this site so.. yeah). But I concur with this conversation. A consistent optimistic and joyful disposition makes me want to punch someone in the face. There are things in life like my boyfriend and my family that make me happy... but at the end of the day I'm miserable with myself. I don't understand myself. The me that I know doesn't understand the other me... if that makes sense.