I know what you mean by feeling that this is ruining your life. THere are so many mixed emotions because it makes you feel bad when other people find you "strange" because they dont understand but the stress of not having other people understand is a huge weight on your shoulders. Its hard to explain to anyone else because all they want to know is WHY you do this and WHY you do that, when really if we knew that it would be alot easier! so with all the therapy meds and all the talk about "your disorder" or "your panic attacks" or "your ocd" sometimes the best thing is to take a breather from all that and learn to take meds, go to therapy, and live a normal life where excepting that you are unique relieves te burden of being so different! i dont know if that helps...but i tried! i wish the best for you!

-Mary