Tunia,

Maybe you're right... </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Was might need to be switched with is.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> I've just never wanted to admit it, wanted to believe that nothing ever affects me.

OH, you are so sweet-- you're not making me uncomfortable by mentioning "therapy".... though, I'm not sure that's something that's right for me. I've tried it for, put it all together, about 4 years in all. It's so hard and so many times I swear my "safe hold" on things is being taken away from me-- when I've been in therapy. I don't know-- I'll think on it- OK?

Yes, opening up is hard, but lately I've felt safe here with all you that are so kind and understanding.

It's odd --I've been thinking how so many bad things can happen to one person, like it's got to be some kind of aura I used to emit or something. (people don't believe when they hear of all the things that I've experienced, how I've managed to "seemingly" hold myself together.... dissociation can be a great asset)

Can I tell you a story?....

****caution this may be triggering for some***
involves horrific child abuse...



I read about this sweet little girl full of life, they showed her picture when she was 3--- so cute, smiley with pony tails. Then her mother who was 19, married a man that would hurt the little girl. She ended up being paralyzed from her waist down with brain damage at age 5 . She was placed in a foster home instead of with her grandmother, who fought for her. The foster parents later, adopted her. They had 2 older adopted sons with special needs. The new family fell apart when the dad left and the mom went into depression. She stopped taking the little girl, now 12, to physical therapy and special school. One of the older boys, now 18 with learning disabilties but big and strong, decided to not let anyone in or out of the little girls bedroom. The mother was too depressed to do anything about it..... authorities finally were notified..... but it was too late for that little girl..... she had died of dehydration.

How can so much bad happen to one person? What did she ever do to anyone to have such a fate? I think the "illogical" that you speak of is something that spirals me down..... how/why do these things happen to a child? It doesn't make sense and..... not meaning to offend those that hold God dear to their heart--- but, if I ever meet God he/she is going to get one swift punch in the jaw from me!

thanks as always Tunia, for your thoughtfulness and understanding, and also for you replying. I appreciate it.

Tunia

mandy ps-- thank you also to the special people that have PM'd me- you are close to my heart.