Yesterday I went to work, and left again after 2 hours. I really tried, but I couldn't do it because I felt sick. I should have just stayed home. Today I still feel bad, but it's an improvement from yesterday. I decided to stay home today and to try not to feel guilty about it.

I also saw my doctor yesterday. She upped my lexapro dosage to 10 mg. 5mg just wasn't doing anything. We'll see if this makes a difference. I also told her about how my depression seems to worsen on the weekends, and my suicidal thoughts (no plans though). She was not alarmed by it, which I was grateful for. She did ask me to call a therapist, and I haven't done it yet. She seemed annoyed, but I haven't had any motivation lately. I promised to do it by the time I see her for my next followup in 2 weeks. She said that if my mood doesn't improve by then that I should see a psychiatrist.

She also asked me to start a journal and write down things that I'm grateful for. She really is great, especially since her specialty is internal medicine. I said I would try, and I'm going to; it's just hard to see the good right now.