I find it interesting that this thread reared its ugly head again (and I can say that because it's my thread).

I read through things again and a couple pages back, something reminded me of a comment I once read about monogamy, marriage and affairs. The essence of the comment was that if an individual does not believe that monogamy is something they can live within the confines of, they should negotiate this with their partner prior to getting married.

Here's the problem with that thinking: many people don't understand this about themselves until they are well into a marriage and the so-called "honeymoon" phase has ended. Not everyone who marries has experienced a long-term relationship prior to the partner they choose to marry. This might mean that they do not understand that when the magic of romantic love begins to fall by the wayside, the relationship is truly tested. Routines and comfort are settled into, and things aren't necessarily as exciting as they once were. It is then, only at this point perhaps, where they realize that they are not comfortable with the idea of monogamy.

This is especially true for individuals who marry young. I'm in my mid-thirties right now; when I look at my career, for instance, I've only just started making strides in a place where I want to be. I'd have never known back in my early twenties where I really wanted my life to head. One needs experience to understand what they really want out of life. The same logic can be applied to relationships. Without experience, how do you even understand what you want? When one falls in love, it seems like this is it. This is the be all and end all. There is noone else they'd rather be with. We all know that even if it's the truth, that doesn't necessarily mean it's the truth forever.

I suppose it's just unfair to expect people to know what exactly they want early in life. But it's also not reasonable to expect that people will not hold off on marriage until they know what they're looking for. People change. So then, the questions become "how do I get what I need/want?", "how do I express to my partner my new/changed needs/wants?", etc. If the relationship is comfortable and familiar, that means rocking the boat. And who really wants to rock the boat?