Quote:
Originally Posted by S*ulSurvi*r514
I hear more and more about cutting ties with people that are a toxic, negative force in your life. Letting them go. How can I do that when that person is my own mother?
I'm always on my guard from her "should have, could have, would have" and I'm overloaded as it is with those. Then when I told her I wanted to start seeking help for my depression, she was so adamant that I needed drugs and rejected the contacts I found that could not prescribe me any. This being after I desperately confessed to needing any help, as long as it was immediate and then after I confided that I was scared to go on meds ( since the last time I was on medication it didn't help). When I found someone, she was overly critical because they couldn't prescribe drugs; I was hopeful/optimistic.
I want to be able to trust her, to come talk to her like she wants me to but things that I've said in the past, in confidence has been flung at me and loosely shared over the phone. So she's lost my trust.
And when I share with her my passion (writing- "oh, I can't describe what it means to me"), she coldly dismisses it. It's not worth anything. It can't bring me financial stability. That's when I go on the defensive which is pointless because she doesn't listen. Then I feel stupid, naive, childish, and my passion becomes worthless.
I don't even want to tell her anything good about me because she'll be too absorbed with watching television or she'll find some negative to point out and I end up feeling hopeless.
Then mom gets mad (and nosy) when I talk to my dad. (I feel like I'm a ping-pong ball between them.)
|
It sounds like you will need to look for support outside of your family. You do not have to disengage from them physically, but you need to know that your feelings, your ambitions, and your needs are Valid; you cannot change how your mom reacts. I also had a mom who found the "problem" with whatever I wanted to do...it will continue to affect you but it is important that you know this is Her problem, her inability to nurture you, it is not your problem, or your fault. It isn't even about you, and that can be painful; we all want those closest to us to provide positive support and love, but many people, for reasons they may or may not be aware of, are not able to do that. I suggest you join a supportive writers group to share that passions with, if available in your area attend readings, join a book group, get to know others who value what you value. And, if you can Do talk to a counselor, medications are not the first, or only answer, they may be helpful but so far, what you describe, could be helped quite a bit by talking to someone who will listen to you. Try not to worry about what your mom thinks of your choices---if in school, you may be able to access help through your guidance counselor/office. Keep writing! Keep growing!
Your mother won't be there forever... and, sadly, she sounds like someone who is dissatisfied with her own life, and may feel some anxiety and jealousy when you express enthusiasm and passion for your own future.