I guess I'm thinking about the whole focus; this is good/positive this is bad/negative, the whole striving for a certain affect instead of just letting ourselves be and responding in the moment to what arises. I overthink and overanalyze things. I love to work on my school work but work on it too much and consequently worry about that and look for ways to "balance." The whole too much/too little or too much/must-be-escaping a problem attitude.

I've learned that truly, what we do day-to-day becomes habit and harder and harder to break. I use to not study and avoid "applying" myself so I finally after many years saw what to me was a negative pattern and started to correct it. Well, my habitual "making" myself study and learning/remembering I love the work, etc. now I do it too often at the expense of meeting and interacting with people (what "Life" is about I feel) and so I feel good that I am a great student, writer, researcher, etc. that I've learned in the last 15 years since I've been working on that but I'm moving away again (in a different direction) from people just as surely as I was when I was a bookworm and before and was in therapy, etc.

While it's true that my interests lie with books and more "comfortable," quiet pursuits by nature, I was born a bit "shy" and was a timid toddler :-) I don't like that I allow myself to go in that direction only and get away with it :-) I'm going to commit myself to starting to get "out" and be with people more (whether I like it or not :-) and see if I can't get a more balanced "personality" going.

"Naturally" less studying, and more spontaneous just going out. . . I'll see where it leads.