Hello all!

I haven't been here for a while, but over the last couple years I've been here on and off. Here's the deal:

I'm an RN and know that I'm a good RN. I general minimize my abilities in another areas but do know I'm a good nurse. I have a job in a hospital but am on leave. I need to get up the nerve to go back soon as I'm without money now and need to work.

I've had this problem for a while now. The job gets me very anxious. Some close to me have said I should do something other than nursing if I don't want to do nursing anymore. They don't realize that I do not want or can't do anything else other than nursing.

Anxiety affects pretty much everything in my life. I've got anxiety, depression, and BPD. The list of the pros of going to work is huge. Many good things would happen to me, namely being able to pay my bills, and other things. The cons are few. The pros of me not going to work is just that I won't be anxious about work, but the cons is a long list. Further self-esteem problems, living in poverty, etc...

I have an appointment with my pdoc tomorrow after not seeing her for a few weeks, so hopefully she can help me out.

Anyone have any advice on how to force myself to go to work and not stay home? Once I'm there I am in my groove. ALTHOUGH, sometimes at work, I stop for a minute and wonder what I'm doing there. But really where else would I be? The job is really stressful but it is good money. But stress is not what is killing it is anxiety before I get to work. Anxiety that something will happen that I won't be able to handle.

Missing work make me feel better for a little bit because I feel like I dodged a bullet, but then I start worrying again for a different reason. I then worry about losing my job for absences, giving in to my anxiety etc...

Anyone with job problems like mine that have some advice? When I work I make good money so I wish I could deal with this anxiety in a healthy way. BTW, anyone know of any good books for dealing with anxiety that cripples people and prevents them from doing a necessary thing like going to work?

Thanks all!

Z