Hi, hard one to answer. So you're seriously going to have to come back at me if I may be a little off track here.
It does sound like you've got some conflicting feelings going on there from "I was hoping it wouldn't wake him up so disconnected while ringing ), he called me back to see if I was ok. His voice sounded so good. "
But you sound like SUCH a caring person maybe it's hard for you to think of someone as THAT bad, maybe you're looking for some "justifiable" reasoning for what happened or to find some comfort/security in anything someone does to show that "no, actually they do care"?????
But that doesn't at all make his past behavior "right", as you know!!
I mean there might have been some underlying reasons for some of his actions e.g. he didn't think your mother was as "unbalanced" as she was (sometimes hard to think of someone who has been close to you in that way), he found losing his brother really hard and it was painful for him to have a connection, he saw you take such good care of your grandparents and felt he wasn't needed as much or couldn't cope with seeing them that way/hearing how they were, going through a grieving process/not thinking "rationally/wrapped up in his own problems.........
But he still did what he did and that's got to hurt, nevermind the things you went through and the help he could have given you.
If you're still feeling torn I'd say you'd be absolutely justified (and it may help???) in asking him some questions about what happened in the past and some of his actions, maybe even start with talking about some of the things/any of the things you went through. Try not to make it sound to him like you're accusing him of anything though as the barriers may go up and you might not get quite as much as you want/need to.
Then again if you want him more out of your life to avoid the confusion/feelings (or because of his actions) I really can't see many people blaming you for that.
BUT about YOU (!!) : It sounds like you've had a really hard time. Have you got any/do you think you need any/more help with what you went through when you were younger. It does take a very strong person to just move away from something like that, and there would be plenty of people who may need some professional help or just support with that.....or even if you'd just like to talk a bit more about it with us.......??
And got to ask, since your "breakdown" do you feel you've had the support you've needed??
And your grandparents, I'd say that you did an amazing job helping them/supporting them. You should feel SO proud of yourself for having done that. And don't let your uncles behavior take anything away from what you did or your relationship with them. That is totally insignificant compared to everything that happened between you and your grandparents. And if you can as well, make sure you take comfort in the memories of closeness between you and any happy/comforting memories you have of being with them. Although I know it must have been really hard and so emotional at times it was SO special.

But I'd say you don't need your uncle in your life (you're SO much better a person than he has been), then if you want some sort of "closure" (by talking to him about things) or you actually want to kick off a bit more communication about things to try to bring him further into your life then..............just whatever feels "right" to you. Perhaps just put a bit more thinking into what feels comfortable/right for you.
Best wishes
Here if you want to talk...........
Alison