Hi all, I've been living with depression, anxiety and bulimia for more than 7 years now. I've been to so many professionals for help... yet I still can't break free of this vicious cycle...

After spending an exorbitant amount on medical bills, I really don't trust the professionals any more... but they still seem like my only hope?

My last psychiatrist placed me on a year long program. She says that depression, anxiety and bulimia are all linked and so I was to follow a strict diet regime and take Prozac for my anxiety.

I have been a vegetarian since young as I really despise the act of taking a life, but she insisted that it was just the bulimia telling me all that. As I was desperate to get better, I just followed through with the regime and did whatever I was told.

Since then I have been having strange, terrifying and morbid dreams. I was told that it was a side-effect Prozac has sometimes and that I could change medication if I couldn't live with the dreams. I decided to stick with Prozac since I heard that the side-effects were worse for the other medications...

But anyway, my dreams became more and more gory and awful. I started dreaming of body parts scattered about, and of family members hunting and killling me. When I told my psychiatrist, she said it was because I watched horror movies. I kind of doubt that since I dislike watching horror movies as I never get scared and without the fear-factor they become somewhat dull to me (apologies to all the horror-fans!!); but who am I to dispute a professional?

Now I feel like I am going crazy. Whenever I touch my cat I start to cry and feel so much tenderness it's driving me crazy. I start to hallucinate cooking and eating my cats... it sounds crazy and I think I really am going mad. I've started to fear death a lot... I am so afraid of dying now it is irrational. I can be in the midst of doing something when suddenly my whole body tenses and I start thinking, 'What if everything just suddenly ends now? I won't even know if I'm dead because I will just be that... dead." I won't be able to continue doing what I've been doing, I won't be able to see or hear or feel anything. Everything just ends. I get so frightened. This is so irrational because I used to be fine with the concept of dying - I mean I was still scared of dying before but I kind of just accepted it as part and parcel of being human. Now this fear is overwhelming and I start crying and being just SO afraid... I've never felt this scared before and I really wish for help... but no one understands, not even the professionals or my family members...

Which led to me posting here. Does anyone understand? Does anyone has any advice? I'm so scared and desperate I don't know what to do anymore. I'm still studying in University and I don't even dare to go to school anymore. I don't know what I'm doing with my life.