I have been married for 10 years. My husband and I have never really had the best sex life. There was no passion and I had a medical issue that caused major pain that got worse with sex. There was times we would go months without doing anything. 5 years into our marriage, I had a surgery that took care of the medical issue. I was no longer in pain and really looking forward to having a normal sex life with my husband. At first, he claimed he didnt want to have sex because he was afraid of hurting me. It took months to convince him that I was fine. There was still no passion and the sex was blah. After awhile, we were back to not having sex very often. We don't kiss except for a peck once in awhile. And when we would have sex, it was all about him. I would feel used after wards. Like what was the point of even getting undressed? There were other problems in the relationship and we were falling apart. Needless to say, I had an affair. The guy was someone from my past so its not like he was a stranger. My husband found out and there was a big fight. I promised to stop seeing the guy but I haven't. This other guy is passionate, loving, kind, sweet, and makes me feel beautiful. The sex is exactly what I want.

Here is my problem. I don't know what to do. I know cheating is wrong. I know I have to choose one of them. But I just can't. Husband is my best friend. The man I see myself growing old with. I can't imagine my life without him. Boyfriend is the perfect sexual mate for me. I have tried to talk to the husband about the sex issue. He just doesn't understand why I feel this way. I can't get him to see that there is something lacking. That I need more than he is willing to give.

Ugh. I am so confused. I don't know what to do. Does anyone have any advice? And please don't tell me that I'm a horrible person cause I already know that.